A Classical Loser
Nearing the end of my blogging gig and after a night where yet another cause that I cared deeply about met with dismal failure, I want to reflect today on losing and what it means.
I've only been a pastor for about seven years and already I see a trend: I lose. A lot.
Further, the causes and beliefs that I hold lose a lot too. People I care about get slammed, beliefs that once held force within the human heart get tossed out with yesterday's garbage. And seeing it gets to you.
Oh, I've met people that handle this well, who don't really seem discouraged when things they are passionate about get shot down in flames. I admire them and want to be like them someday.
But then again....
On the other hand, perhaps God is telling me something in my dissatisfaction with loss or perhaps in the repetition of it?
And, on a related note, I think I am beginning to finally realize why I truly love the music of Johannes Brahms. It's the longing and the hope that there is more good on the way than bad, even in the midst of such soul-searing longing for what could be.
That's the heart of the matter: I can see sometimes how it could be. And seeing it hurts far more than the alternative--of being content with so little of what we aspire to.
Now I'm waxing a little romantic, aren't I? This is a classical Presbyterian's blog, but being one who holds to a tradition at its classical best does not exclude one from passionate longing?
Ah, well. I've seen congregations reamed for money from grasping presbyteries and I've seen false prophets welcomed into our own pulpits and heretical pastors receive not an ounce of loving discipline, but I've seen other things that far outweigh those evils.
I've seen adults confess Christ as their Lord and Savior for the first time in their lives. I've seen children who understand more about the cross and resurrection than some pastors I've met. And then there are the eternal blessings of seeing the Holy Spirit open people's minds and hearts in a Bible study group or in worship.
So, I'll go on fighting for this faith once delivered, within the PC(USA) and beyond, losing many battles but remembering who will have the victory.
Posts
10 remonstrances:
Toby,
Anyone who follows a crucified Messiah has got to get used to fighting "the long defeat" as Galadriel puts it.
Not that it is easy. As I read it, Jesus promises victory to the church only after she's been torn apart by the wolves and bloodied. AntiChrist is at the point of ultimate victory and then the trumpet sounds.
Or to switch to a different sacred text: The Ringbearer fails, Sauron's forces engulf the Host of the West, and then, then grace steps in, the ring goes into the fire in spite the failure and evil comes crumbling down.
"No servant is above his master." Jesus "lost" big too...for a couple of days :).
I've enjoyed your blog for years. Peace to you.
Jeff Ogden
Life is a pendulum. Actually, it's a lot of pendulums. They swing at different rates.
For example - for 8 years in the voting booth I was a loser. Now I'm not.
The church/theology pendulum has a VERY long arc. Your 7-year snapshot is just that - a snapshot. The arcs for organized religion are much longer.
Hang in there.
Once again I'm struck (hard) by the fact that I and people who disagree with me about a great many things both feel exactly the same way - the way you describe, things we believe in and care about falling by the wayside, being thrown out, trampled on. Apparently, we all feel like we're losing these crucial "battles".
What this tells me, if nothing else, is that in the way we currently do things, we all lose.
I wonder if we will come up with some other way.
Toby,
You are classical because in the midst of seeming defeat you speak the name of Jesus and him crucified.
Thank you that as a brother in Christ you keep on fighting the good fight.
Jeff,
That is exactly right!
Thanks.
Stop by western PA sometime and I'll buy you a black & tan in the Saxonburg pub!
Doug,
Exactly. There is a better way, we just have to have the courage to love people more than institutions and property. Case in point: Jim Rigby and I got along quite well back in Mission Presbytery. Strangely enough, we were polar opposites in theology in most respects, but we both shared a common respect and understanding about abuse of power in the presbytery.
The thing is, we have to leave the idea that we can speak for one another and that the institution should be our allegiance.
"What this tells me, if nothing else, is that in the way we currently do things, we all lose."
That's exactly right.
As Paul said to the foolish Galatians, "But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another."
"we just have to have the courage to love people more than institutions and property."
AND, I might add, more than ideology, theology or any other abstract doctrine.
"Follow the way of Love"
Toby,
from what I can read over at the Merely Confessional Presbyterians blog, I can understand your disappointment. However, it is not going away which is a good thing.
On a better note, at another presbytery meeting, a friend of ours from PTS was approved to move to candidate status.
The Church shall never perish!
Her dear Lord to defend,
To guide, sustain, and cherish,
Is with her to the end:
Though there be those who hate her,
And false sons in her pale,
Against both foe or traitor
She ever shall prevail.
Though with a scornful wonder
Men see her sore oppressed,
By schisms rent asunder,
By heresies distressed:
Yet saints their watch are keeping,
Their cry goes up, “How long?”
And soon the night of weeping
Shall be the morn of song!
’Mid toil and tribulation,
And tumult of her war,
She waits the consummation
Of peace forevermore;
Till, with the vision glorious,
Her longing eyes are blest,
And the great Church victorious
Shall be the Church at rest.
Kevin -
Amen, Amen, and again Amen! I will be singing all day long....
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